DaZzled M!nD

Life journey

2010-11-16T00:24:00.000+07:00

We're all traveller on life journey. We got off the train somewhere, we met some people and we parted. We remember some and we forget some. But we never knew at that time which one will leave an impact on us. We may say that we'll never forget this person but we might never thought of them again. Or we might not have paid attention to someone yet still remember him/her after years gone by.

We got off the train somewhere and continue the journey. Sometimes we pick up where we left off and sometimes we started in a new direction. Who knows if we will come a full circle someday.. Or if we will repeat the same path again, retracing the same footstep.. Making the same mistakes or wishing we could do the same thing again and again..

Such is life.. At this moment.. I don't understand you and I don't understand life journey.. But I do hope that someday I'll be walking the same path again... with you..

Life

2010-11-04T20:56:00.001+07:00

Life I full of emotions.

Laughter, tear, joy, sorrow, hatred, love...

People experienced different emotion throughout their life.. These emotions shaped who they are and how they turned out to be. They effect each person perspective and how they react to different circumstances.
Everyone went through a heartbreak. Like it or not, it's part of growing up and sometimes growing old. Whether you are good or bad, a heartbreak hurts much the same.

Life is a bitch but you got to live with it.

Live and love like there's no tomorrow. Give people a chance but know when to let go. Love yourself and forgive those who deserve it. Live...

"So Close"

2009-11-07T22:32:00.002+07:00

You're in my arms
And all the world is calm
The music playing on for only two
So close together
And when I'm with you
So close to feeling alive

A life goes by
Romantic dreams will stop
So I bid mine goodbye and never knew
So close was waiting, waiting here with you
And now forever I know
All that I wanted to hold you
So close

So close to reaching that famous happy end
Almost believing this was not pretend
And now you're beside me and look how far we've come
So far we are so close

How could I face the faceless days
If I should lose you now?
We're so close
To reaching that famous happy end
And almost believing this was not pretend
Let's go on dreaming for we know we are
So close
So close
And still so far

*How do you let go of the past?

2009-08-07T11:12:00.000+07:00

“All the world's a stage,

And all the men and women merely players:

They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts...”

-Shakespeare-

Very interesting

2009-07-18T21:28:00.000+07:00

Marriage

2009-07-16T19:28:00.003+07:00

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore

You shall be together when white wings of death scatter your days

Aye, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God

But let there be spaces in your togetherness

And let the winds of the heavens dance between you

Love one another but make not a bond of love:

Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.

Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf

Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone

Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music

Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping

For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts

And stand together, yet not too near together:

For the pillars of the temple stand apart

And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow

Khalil Gibran

2008-11-08T15:48:00.003+07:00

It's raining again...

Why has the rain lasted so long?

Why is the sky still in a gloom?

Is it the season or has the world taken a new turn?

If so then why am I still in this pain?

Someone tell me why.. is it me or just the rain?

It's raining still...

Thoughts for the day

2008-05-16T22:09:00.003+07:00

Hidden somewhere, there are always doors to be opened.
Sometimes, you can't see it..
But sometimes you saw it and presume that it is locked...

Why not try the knob...?

past-present-future

2008-05-02T20:19:00.002+07:00

I mourn for your loss... RIP HedHorm

Well?

2008-04-17T23:46:00.002+07:00

Am
I
Not
Supposed
to
Care
?

ABC

2008-02-16T23:26:00.005+07:00

A) A choice that's within reach now with uncertain outcome

B) A choice that's still out of reach and can't even be seen yet seem certain

C) None of the above...

2OO8

2008-01-03T00:05:00.000+07:00

It's that time of the year again. It's new year. The past year had really been a bad and crazy one, but nonetheless, it was a great one too.

2007 ended on a good note. It was a great experience being among 1,500 people from all over the world. It was great having a countdown party in the theme park. It was great knowing many people love me.

2008 started on a good note too but only for a day. Now, on the 2nd day of 2008, uncertainty fell again. Just hope that the things will be better.. It will definitely be better!

Happy new year everyone!

HOW DO I LOVE THEE?

2007-12-13T00:55:00.000+07:00

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's

Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love with a passion put to use

In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

by Elizabeth Barrett Browning (1806-1861)

*picture from http://xpress101.wordpress.com/2007/06/ Thank you...

comments

2007-09-25T23:55:00.000+07:00

I've already fixed the comments function. It should work fine now :)

I need a hug

2007-09-24T14:08:00.001+07:00

Where are you?..

It's been a while..

2007-09-24T13:19:00.000+07:00

It's been a while..

It's weird sitting here looking at the same thing, sitting in the same chair, having the same companion, talking to the same person and thinking the same thoughts. The only difference is the time. It has now been 3 months..

What have I been going through in the past months? Of course you know. But how have I really been feeling? That remains a question of which I myself cannot answer.

It's been a while..

How have you been? I hope you are doing well. Even though I see you going downhill I hope what I'm seeing is not totally true.

It's been a while..

How have you been? Thank you for being there and thank you for the words of encouragements and supports, and for making me smile again. Don't you worry. Now my smiles are genuine and they are wider that before. I now see the world in a different light and although it might not be in a better light, it makes me grow up.

It's been a while..

How have you been? Why are you not smiling today?

I feel sad for someone.. I wish everyone would understand themselves. I wish you would understand yourself.

It's been a while..

Can't get along

2007-09-02T01:48:00.000+07:00

เข้ากันไม่ได้ ( Eng Version )

One day,I woke up just to realize.
That there is no more sunshine.
And no more love in the sky...

Tried and tried to let go of what was mine,
Love that I thought was so fine.
Keeps holding my heart,won't let go...

* One kiss for goodbye. One touch for the last time.
Just one more chance to be in your life...
So deep,our love lies. Bring tears to my eyes,
To realize we're not meant for each other...

You walk right into reality.
While my heart's still wild and free.
Dreaming of love that's not mine...
And now, we both chose our own lives.
Following our own Moonlight.
My heart still denies to let go...

My blog is rated..not

2007-07-21T18:42:00.000+07:00

Did a rating test for my blog and the result is...

LOL... Didn't realize that my blog is so safe... And I thought it's rather dark and depressed...

As it turns out, this site rates blogs by searching for words that are on their bad list. The only word they found in my blog that matches their word-list is DEAD.. How funny...

It's raining...

2007-07-17T17:30:00.000+07:00

It's raining..

Rain is not always sad. I used to think rainy season is such a depressing time and I let myself drown in it. But now, looking at it, rain is so refreshing. Rain brings life to many things in this world... including myself.

I feel happy now. Once I start looking at things in a different light, I see things that I never saw before. I now know I've so many friends out there who love and care for me. Even people whom I'm not so close to stood by me through my hardest time. Even the one who is hurting me is giving me encouragement. This world is a strange world.

I understand you and your decisions.

Even though the sky is still dark and stormy, my heart is now warm and peaceful. I have to thank everyone out there. You may not know me and I may not know you but sometimes seeing you smile puts a smile on my face. I realize that once I stepped back and look at everything from another perspective, everthing seem so much easier. I now can smile and laugh at everything that is happening. My friends think I'm strange.. but I think this is the best way to look at it.

It's still raining...

Wishes...

2007-07-08T00:59:00.000+07:00

Wish everything would be easier than this...
Wish it's not so hard...
Wish that you were here...
Wish that it doesn't rain...
Wish that tomorrow will never comes...
Wish that it's just a dream...
Wish that I could wake up...
Wish that the pain would go away

Wish...

Changing season

2007-07-03T18:54:00.000+07:00

The season has changed and it is now rainy. I wasn't aware of the changing season and thought that it's still summer. This is probably why I wasn't prepare for the changes that the new season brings.

The changing season has brought along many changes in my life. It's cold and dark yet at times it's bright and warm. This change may be for the better or for worse. I don't know for sure. But I wish there would be no change.

Sigh. I began this entry with so much emotion but right now I've none left to go on.

To you: I still don't understand your reason. Things won't be worse if you're willing to try...

My life in a day

2007-06-23T22:26:00.000+07:00

A bright sunny day turned into a rainy cold day without any sign...

It was so bright and warm. The only warnings were a couple of thunder sounding nearby. Then without delay, the heaven opened its gate and let the rain pour down.

It's weird sitting here looking at it knowing I could never be drenched by a single droplet.

Looking out the window, I could see no further than my hand could reach.

The rain sliding down my window like the tears running down my cheeks.

Then the vision began to clear and the rain began slowing down. Though I still could not see you. It's getting a lot closer. Yet the rain shows no sign of stopping.

As I pushed out the window, the rain drenched the outside of it yet there was not a single droplet inside.

Lighting struck and thunder sounded and the picture began to blur once more.

Within minutes, the rain became softer and the vision became clearer.

Thunder continued to rawl yet the sky continued to clear.

Can I see you now? The answer remains unclear but I think what I saw is you.

But you are no longer within my reach.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Looking on the other side, the sun began to shine.

Not long after, the rain pour down again.

It got heavier and heavier and soon I could see you no longer.

It continued to rain, heavy downpour of angry tears.

Then once again it began to stop.

Birds came out to play. And I could almost see you again.

But now the movie has ended. What is my ending?

I went up to the rooftop, still wet and raining, wanting to find out if it's really you that I saw.

The answer in my heart is still yes but my head argued.

Then I decided that it's a waste of time and made my way down, this time with great difficulty.

I've learned my lesson but how can I stop loving you?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is it always bringhter on the other side?
When will the rain stopped? Will it ever stopped?
I guess it will but it will take time....

I captured a butterfly in a jar

2007-05-05T14:40:00.000+07:00

I captured a butterfly in a jar
I danced around in the grass for hours
Chasing it down stumbling falling laughing
Making the chase the most
rewarding

I captured a butterfly in a jar
There it was for me to hold and keep forever
Anytime I wanted to relish
in the joy of life
There it was for me to look upon

I captured a butterfly in a jar
Time eroded on and all
things change
The butterfly became just another bug
Trapped in a glass
cage

I captured a butterfly in a jar
And saw how sad it truly was
A prisoner and I the jailer
I had to
let it go

I captured a butterfly in a jar
I opened that lid and allowed it to go
And it flew away far from me
It left me yearning for that summer day

I captured
a butterfly in a jar
But maybe it captured me
Because ever since that
butterfly flew away
I have never again felt free

Joe
Rivas

Thanks owners of the poem and picture for touching my soul at the moment when I'm uncertain of its whereabout.

*poem from http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/i-captured-a-butterfly-in-a-jar/ *butterfly picture from http://www.mylittleunderground.net/

Hello!!

2007-01-24T18:45:00.000+07:00

After a long hiatus from blogging. Here is an update.

Life has been hectic. My sweety has been away a lot and I miss him. He got injured quite badly during his sparring competition. I'm really worried (I think that I should have gotten used to this a long time ago). I'm leaving for KL tomorrow so I'd only get to see him on Monday. Have not seen him since last Thursday. So since he hasn't been around, I've been kinda dead. No energy for anything. (Thirak, I miss u T.T)

Yesterday was really scary cos I was told I might suffer from "lazy eye" or Amblyopia. A check with the doc confirmed no such thing, only a huge increase in my short-sightedness.

School has been hectic, as usual. Syllabus is getting tougher but luckily the courses are similar in nature. I have been very lazy though. hehe.. Don't know why I always feel like there is not enough time to do anything. And I always feel tired. (Must have gotten that from my bf)

Enough of the rant. Semester is ending soon and I will finally be going to Sg!! After almost 2 years, there will definitely be so many changes. Hope I would be able to stay there long enough to take in all the things that I miss and to catch up with all the friends that have not been in touch.

Only 2 months more... Can't hardly wait!!

2006-07-16T22:42:00.002+07:00

2006-05-31T10:11:00.001+07:00

2006-05-03T17:29:00.000+07:00

You are as young as your faith,
As old as your doubt;
As young as your self-confidence,
As old as your fear;
As young as your hope,
As old as your despair.

Songbird

2006-04-22T17:09:00.000+07:00

For you there'll be no crying
For you the sun will be shining
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's all right I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you I love you I love you
Like never before

To you I would give the world
To you I'd never be cold
'Cause I feel that when I'm with you
It's all right I know it's right

And the songbirds keep singing
Like they know the score
And I love you I love you I love you
Like never before Like never before

Like never before

-Eva Cassidy-

Is it me or...?

2006-04-21T18:53:00.000+07:00

Recently I noticed that many people who used to be around me are no longer there. It seems they all have disappeared. I have not talked to more than half of my close friends for at least more than 2 months.

It's quite wrong that I discovered this only recently but I have always thought it was perfectly normal to "distant" from your friends a little once in a while, not intentionally of course. There is nothing wrong with not being in touch with your friends 24/7. But months? Well, it's still alright, to me at least.

Coming to think of it, I have always thought it was them who distant away from me cos in the first place I hardly call them and it was always them calling me. But it is really them? I didn't put in any effort in trying to contact them so maybe that's why they go away?

Or probably I am too absorbed in my own doings and thoughts to notice that they have given out signs to show that they needed me? I don't know....

I always thought I make myself available to them and they would come to me when they need me... maybe I didn't do enough to let them know that. Maybe I gave out signs to show that they're not welcomed...

.
.
.
.
.

Maybe... it's just me...

p.s. another pointless post triggered by a stupid dream I had last night

Wisdom from...dad

2006-02-26T12:32:00.000+07:00

When I was younger, my dad used to teach me many life lessons. He would tell me all sort of things but usually in an indirect way. Those who know me know how much I love my dad, not because he is my dad but because of the person he is.

One thing I learned from him is love. One of the earliest things he said to me about love is "you can love, you can lust, but you can't love someone out of pity". Back then, I didn't think much of what he said. But I've never forgot his words. It was only recently that I came to a full understanding of his words. I had to make an important decision and these words came back to me.

Now I realised that was not the only thing he said that I believe in. I know I could never loved someone who does not love himself or his parents. I once chose to believe other wise but it was so true that it was impossible. My dad used to say that if a guy does not love his parents, the ones who gave him his life, or even himself, then how could he love you?

I used to argue that there is no one who does not love himself/herself (I still strongly believe in that). But I realise there are some people who do not appreciate their parents. I know we all have some moments when we forgot about our parents and how much they care about us. But some people just chose to ignore their parents completely. So how could I ever love such person? Once again, my dad has said something which became a "philosophy" I live by.

I wonder what's next...

I know this entry is quite pointless but I hope u see the point I'm trying to say...

Within the memory...

2006-01-20T23:23:00.000+07:00

The past few weeks had been busy yet..peaceful. I had a lot of time to myself and that means there's more time for me to think...

I realized there's not a single decision I made that I regret. There may be times that I wished I could have done something differently. But given a choice, I won't want to change anything.

For everything I had done, I'm glad I stuck to my decisions and didn't waver under the pressure.

For those I've hurt, I'm sorry... I hope life will be kind to you...

For those I've lost, thanks for the chance you gave and which I didn't take... I've learnt many lessons from you...

For those I've forgiven, I hope you have learnt something... Not from me, but from this world...

For those I've loved, thanks for giving me a chance to love... You will always have a place in my heart...

2006-01-04T23:20:00.000+07:00

You who do know
All the heart's turns,
Say, is it love now
That in me burns?

The Rose

2005-12-26T21:28:00.000+07:00

Some say love, it is a river
That drowns the tender reed
Some say love, it is a razor
That leaves your soul to bleed
Some say love, it is a hunger
An endless, aching need
I say love, it is a flower
And you it's only seed

It's the heart afraid of breaking
That never learns to dance
It's the dream afraid of waking
That never takes the chance
It's the one who won't be taken,
Who cannot seem to give
And the soul afraid of dying
That never learns to live

And the night has been too lonely
And the road has been too long
And you think that love is only
For the lucky and the strong
Just remember in the winter
Far beneath the bitter snow
Lies the seed that with the sun's love,
In the spring, becomes a rose.

2005-12-22T15:50:00.001+07:00

Because of you...

2005-12-19T17:05:00.000+07:00

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break, the way you did, you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way to never let it get that far

Because of you I never strayed too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust, not only me,
but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid

I lose my way, and its not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry, because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh, every day of my life
My heart can't possibly break, when it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I never strayed too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust, not only me,
but everyone around me, Because of you, I am afraid

I watched you die, I heard you cry, every night in your sleep.
I was so young, you should have known better than to lean on me.
You never thought of anyone else you just saw your pain.
And now I cry in the middle of the night, for the same damn thing

Because of you I never strayed too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in

Because of you I'm ashamed of my life, because its empty
Because of you, I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

What to do??

2005-12-16T23:01:00.000+07:00

Have you ever experienced a time when you thought you're doing the right thing and the next day you regretted doing it?

I never thought it would happen to me.. but it did...

Now, almost a month later, I'm still wondering if I've done the right thing...

I want a lil hug...

2005-12-11T14:02:00.000+07:00

2005-12-03T14:35:00.000+07:00

Recently I realised that love comes in many forms. Sometimes we look for love in many places we thought it exists. But many times we forgot to look closely around us.

I know now that love is simple and it is everywhere around us. It appears in many forms, sometimes in the weirdest form. It warms your heart and left you with a smile on your face.

So look around when you are feeling down or sad. You might find something that warms your heart and left you with more than a smile on your face.

Photo from http://www.cs.wisc.edu/~suan/gallery/

2005-12-01T17:41:00.001+07:00

Leaf's dedarture is because of Wind's pursuit. Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay?

story...

2005-11-26T15:28:00.000+07:00

People say parallel lines never meet?
I don't think so...

If not why 2 very different people meet?
They met for a reason...

Everything in this world can be explained?
Mostly but not all...

Nothing is impossible?
Then it is posible to be impossible...

We met many people throughout our whole life. I believe there's a reason we met someone. In one way or another, we have an inpact on everyone and everything we came into contact with, just like the butterfly effect theory.

Sometimes, we met someone only once in our entire life. Sometimes, we met someone who leaves an everlasting image in our mind. Sometimes, we met someone for the briefest moment and we thought we have known them for our entire life.

Such is life. Nothing is certain. Even the most impossible thing can happen. So, we should cherich every moment we still have. Stop thinking too much and enjoy whatever we have. Learn to appreciate what we're given and give when we can.

Love is in the air... It is free and unselfish...

Heaven knows

2005-11-20T01:03:00.000+07:00

She's always on my mind

From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.
My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine

But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go
(Repeat Chorus except last line)
Bridge:
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?
(Repeat Chorus)
Heaven knows... heaven knows.

Price Rick

At the moment

2005-11-20T00:22:00.000+07:00

Quotes:

The trouble with love is, if you don't risk anything, you risk even more.

When you love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.

If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever. (How can I?)

Love is a word, what matters is the connection that word implies.

Love is one song sung by two. (But I can't sing...)

Once a tear fell off my cheek and into the ocean, the day I find it will be the day I stop loving you.

The course of true love never did run smooth.

Woman was created from the rib of man: Not from his head to be thought of only, nor from his hand to be owned, nor from his foot to be beneath, but from under his arm to be protected, from his side to be equal, and from his heart to be loved.

You don't get to choose. You just fall.

Love...

2005-11-19T22:40:00.000+07:00

Love may be without reasons...
Love may be without caring who he is...
Love may be without knowing if he feels the same...
Love may be without knowing if there'd be a happy ending...
Love may be without knowing what the future may be...
Love does not mean we have to get married...
Love does not mean we're the same or different...

Love there is no need to explain in words what love is...
Love may cause sadness and pain...
Love may make us cry...
Love does not mean we have to be near...
Love does not mean we have to possess...
Love does not mean we have to think in the same way...
Love has no expectation...

Love is selfless...

Really? I don't know...
-Why does it hurt so much?-

2005-11-10T21:01:00.001+07:00

Sometimes the one you love most hurts you the most...

2005-10-25T01:48:00.000+07:00

Why do people turn down things that would benefit them or are good for them? I noticed that time and time again I wound turn down an opportunity that I'd enjoy or would benefit from. But why?

Maybe it's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the "what if" or what might happen. Though I don't remember myself being like this in the past, but now, that is how I react to new opportunity.

This is definitely not good. But how? I don't want to be in this situation. I'm still clinging on to things that I should let go. I'm afraid to venture onto the new road. I'm afraid of what I might left behind or the regrets I might have in the future.

Look forward and forget the past. Easy to say but hard to do.

It will take time, but I hope I will walk out of the shell...... soon..

Photo courtesy of Sam from samuelgoh.net

2005-10-24T00:22:00.000+07:00

Stranger in my homeland, home in a foreign land.
.
.
.
.
Bitter sweet memory
.
.
.
.
.
There's no more "I love you"
.
.
.
.
.
.
There's now "I need you"

1,000...

2005-10-21T17:53:00.000+07:00

1,000 days, 24,000 hours, 1,440,000 seconds and many mil milliseconds. What have u done in the past 1,000 days?

I have achieved, I have failed. I have rose and I have fell. I have gained and lost many things.

I have been happy, I've been more than sad. I have hurt many and I have been hurt by many in return. The past 1,000 days have opened my eyes to many things I have never seen previously.

I've gained many lessons by forgoing many valuable things. I have done things I would never regret, but I still have many regrets. I have many things left undone and unsaid. But I hope it's not too late now for me to say I'm sorry.

To my parents I've hurt, I'm sorry. To my friends I have neglected, I'm sorry. To my dear I've always quarreled with, I'm sorry.

-Happy Anniversary-

Smiles!

2005-10-16T00:51:00.000+07:00

A friend commented today that if I smile the world will be a much more beautiful place.

His words made me realize that I do not smile as much as before. I have gone back to my quiet and cold self. This happened since I came back from S'pore. My friend said that maybe cos my significant other is far away and it's not surprising that I smile less.

I did not notice how much less I smile but come to think of it, I've really stopped smiling that much. I'm not sure when can I smile again but I hope it will be really soon.

I also realize that I'm living a life of a foreign student even though I'm in my homeland now. Somehow, deep inside I still cannot accept living here. I'm living a life of a student who goes overseas to study and can't wait for it to be over. Cant wait to return to her country. Can't wait to see and feel all the familiarity again.

I know this is bad but I do not want it this way either. I wish I don't feel anything. I wish I won't miss all the people and things back there. But I do. I wish I'm not so attached to the life there. But I am. *sigh*

I hope I can start living again...soon...

For now I will at least try to smile more...

Fairy Tale

2005-10-14T14:41:00.000+07:00

Most women grow up dreaming of a fairy tale life. Not all but most. Though some would deny but there's a part of her that would melt at the moment a guy does something sweet to her.

Fairy tale... a life that only exist in story book... or does it really exists?

Me

2005-10-14T14:07:00.000+07:00

Why am I the person that I am? That's a question I'd never know the answer. Somehow I've always driven away those that love me and those that I love. Somehow I've always chased them away.

Maybe it's my inner conscious that's doing it. I've somehow always felt that I do not deserved them and thet they should not be so good to me. They should be happier without me...somehow.

Little did they know, those are the time that I need them the most. For whatever reason, I feel damn lousy and need all the love and care. I feel so low that I chased away everyone cos I don't want them to feel the same way as I do. Unintentionally, I hurt them.

They have been disappointed. They have been hurt. Those that still remain are those that I cherich the most. They chose to stay even though I was chasing them away and I love them for that.

Only time tells... and that has proven to be true...

-Thanks Jamie for the pic-

Love changes

2005-09-22T17:11:00.000+07:00

For some reason, my posts have been mostly about love. . No idea why but I seem to have alot of things to discuss about love.. And this entry will add to that..

I have noticed something in my friends. They have all changed when they fall in love. Some changed themselves to suit their partners, some changed for their partners and some changed without knowing it.

Love opens many opportunities. Being in love make us want to try new things. We dare to do things we never dare to.

Sometimes, we changed too much without realising it. We do things that never thought we would. Some are good, but some are bad too. However most time, the parties involved do not realize it. It is the outsider who notices it.

From my personal experience, I've neglected my friends when I fell in love. But eventually, I've regained enough balance between them and was able to put them together on the same spot. But before that happened, many ill feelings went by between me and my friends. At the end, I found out the meaning of friendship. My friends stood by me when I was down.

I conclusion, love changes but friendship stays. Cherich those who stood by you cos you would never know when they'd be gone forever...

Confused

2005-08-29T17:27:00.000+07:00

I can't stop thinking. sigh. Why can't right and wrong be clearly separated? One might say something is right while the other might see it as wrong.

When someone commited a crime, he knew it's wrong but he did it anyway due to some reasons. But at least he knew it's wrong. So why can't someone see the devil in plain? I think it's quite easy to spot one.

Do you really can't see it or u refuse to see it? Or are u one of them?

Moving Forward...

2005-08-26T15:17:00.000+07:00

So many things happened in life that I don't know what to do. But maybe, nothing has happened at all and it's all my imagination playing a trick on me. I look at those around me and think they have all moved on and accomplished many things. But me? I'm stepping on the same spot. We all walked. They moved forward, I walked on the spot.

Looking back at the past 7 mths, I don't see any change in my life. Zero movement, zero accomplishment.

Looking at the sky, I never see the same pattern twice but looking at myself, I'm seeing the same thing I saw at the beginning of year. WHY?

I realised I've lapsing into the same thoughts every time I'm down. What am I doing in this world? If I have a choice, I want to sleep and never wake up. Til now, I still have not find my motivation to live. No motivation in life and I'm still asking myself what am I doing in this world. Someone once told me,

"patt, when u think ur facing a wall of bleakness in life and u feel really helpless against, torrents and tides of difficulties, u must always rmb that besides the big picture ur seeing, there are also many little things here and there, these, lil things might seem insignificant but w/o it the big picture can never be completed as well.."

I know u won't be reading this, but I'd like to thank you. Thanks for always be there. I have not found anyone who understand me as much as u do. I miss you.

I know this entry is very random and confusing. But that reflects my feelings right now. So many thoughts in my head, so many things left undone. So many thoughts left unfinished.

Many people have been worried abt me these few days. And many people have done many things to touch me, whether they mean it or not. Jamie, if u're reading this, thank you so much. You never fail to put a smile on my face :)

I've made up my mind that I've to move on. Stop thinking about the past. But that's not easy. Especially in my case. But I'll try.

"For moving forwards is rarely accomplished without considerable grief and sadness."

L.O.V.E.

2005-08-17T20:43:00.000+07:00

Every time I see someone falling in love, I am touched. I don't know how to describe that feeling. It is like you are being asked to witness their love. To assure them that what they are feeling is real. So, every time anyone told me they are in love, the first thing that comes to my mind is "how sure are they?". I know that's mean but how could they know? Don't get me wrong, I've been in love. But, I asked myself the same question every time.

My answer?, "I don't know."

I think love is just a feeling. No explanation needed. But because I care for my friends so much, that's why that question always pops out. I do not want them to get hurt. I've been hurt and that does not feel good.

For every new chapter in your life, my friends, I hope it will only bring you happiness and not tear.

Live in the present, not in the past nor future. Today is what we have, tomorrow is too far and yesterday is gone.

Cherich every moment you have.

2005-05-26T11:05:00.000+07:00

"the sun itself sees not 'til heaven clears"

Which is more important?

2004-12-11T12:16:00.000+07:00

Yesterday I left S'pore for Bangkok. This time maybe forever. Or at least that is how I feel. My friends sent me off at the airport but there was only one person waiting for me at my destination.. My dad...

While the mood at S'pore airport was sad, it was yet full of joy. On the contracy, at Bangkok the mood was sad..sad because it was so boring.

I feel that I enjoyed the farewell process more than the welcoming process.. don't get me wrong it's not because the I enjoy saying goodbye(who does?) but because I don't feel as welcomed in Bangkok..

My arrival in Thailand this time is not temporary.. I think the welcoming home is more important than the farewell and so it should give you more warmth than the farewell... I totally feel the contrary...

The road not taken

2004-12-01T22:44:00.000+07:00

The roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the
other, as just as fair,
And having
perhaps the better chaim,
Because it
was grassy and wanted wear
Though as
for that the passing there
Had worn
them really about the same,

And both that morning
equally lay
In leaves no step had
trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first
for another day!
Yet knowing how way
leads onto way,
I doubted if I should
ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence;
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost [1916]

...

2004-11-25T17:35:00.000+07:00

How do u tell someone something that will break ur heart and the heart of others?

Where is my Salvation Angel?

2004-10-10T05:10:00.000+07:00

"It was a fine day. Everything went on as usual. Dawn appeared, and the sun started to shine. The sky said hi and everything was fine.

The day went on, dawn disappeared, and the sun moved around. Suddenly, the clouds gathered and the sky turns black. Soon enough,it started to rain.

The rain continued for the rest of the day. The sunray was blocked and the earth was dark. The world was in a shadow.

Everyone was unhappy that a fine day was being spoilt. Everyone turned around and look at the clouds, blaming them for being such a spoiler. But what can the clouds do? They thought they were trying to help the world by congregating. But no one see their goodness and blame them for the downpour. The clouds were sad and they cried. This in turn caused an even larger storm that flooded the earth. The wind joined in raging savagely. This continued for days until the wind finally died down and there was nothing left of the clouds..."

What a sad world we live in.. Ppl got misconstrued and blamed for things they were trying to do, hoping to be of help.. Ppl's intentions were never really understood and many good deeds went unnoticed.. Where is the Salvation Angel?

What is wrong with the world?!?

2004-10-06T00:37:00.000+07:00

Do critical limitation occurs even in a stable relationship?
Why is one allow to do certain while the other can't?
Why must there be such limitation in an on going relationship...

it's not easy to trust someone but it's possible..
however, it's not possiblt to trust someone again once the trust is broken..

Love?

2004-10-03T17:30:00.000+07:00

What is love?.. How do ppl measure love?.. By the amt of times they miss each other?.. By how hurt they are when sth happen?.. Or is it just hoe they feel?..

Why do ppl want to stay in love?.. Is it cos the bliss they get while being in it?.. Or is it the pain they get when they bade goodbye?.. Do we cling on to sth cos we love it and can't bear to let it go or cos we just don't want to lose it?..

What is love?...

White poem

2004-09-13T20:31:00.000+07:00

Now I lay me down to sleep,

I pray the Lord my soul to keep,

If I should die before I wake,

I pray the Lord my soul to take.

Tis is me now...

2004-09-10T00:15:00.000+07:00

I Want What I Want

Tears, money, honey on my bread

Sugar on my pillow, songs in my head

Head to the church, I love to repent

Say what I mean when it’s not what I meant
I want to lay in bed on Monday

Wearing a diamond-studded hat

Live a good life, a full life, do it all again

Love will never-ever lose a thousand men

Chorus

I want what I want, I want it now

I feel what I feel, don’t bring me down

I know what I know, I don’t know how

But I want what I want, and I want it now

I want to lead, follow, wallow in the mud

Do it for my daddy, do it for God

God knows I’m a getting it wrong

But who the hell cares when you’re getting it on
I want something to believe in

When it all comes crashing down

Re-make the world no pain, no violence

Turn up the volume till there’s total silence

(Chorus)

So take me to an angel who has seen it all before

Cause tonight I need an angel to come walking through my door
Do it for my daddy, do it for God

God knows I’m getting it wrong, but who the hell cares

(Chorus)

wAt's MeAnT tO Be?

2004-09-06T21:50:00.000+07:00

What is meant to be?

Why is life the way it is?

Why do we do certain things?

Why do people react in a certain way?

Why do I sometimes feel that everything is just a block of lego that God placed onto this world and that he's just playing a game, moving things all about...

Sweetest Memories

2004-08-27T09:58:00.000+07:00

An unexpected day, an unexpected time

You appeared and gave a smile...

An unexpected act, an unexpected result

You touched my heart and melt my wall...

An unexpected place, an unexpected time

You gave a smileand walked around...

An unexpected act, an unexpected me

I turned around and let you free..

2004-08-23T01:14:00.001+07:00

Won't we be tired after flying for so long?

tHinK

2004-08-23T00:45:00.000+07:00

"We thought we had alredy flown away from home...

maybe we were just too busy flapping our wings and forgot who we were..."

Am I ready to be free?... Is it the right time or is it too soon?...

sAd

2004-08-22T00:23:00.000+07:00

Tears of loneliness, tears of pain

Tears of happines,tears of rain

Sorrow is pain and tears is medicine

but why the pain lingers after the rain...

Frustrated Me

2004-08-20T00:08:00.000+07:00

Today was a fine day. I enjoyed myself and was happy. But out of sudden I turned soured. I got restless. I was frustrated! I dunno wat is going on!

One moment I laughed, one moment I cried. A moment I was happy, soon I was sad.

I'm tired. I'm dying frm the anger and frustration inside.