Why do people turn down things that would benefit them or are good for them? I noticed that time and time again I wound turn down an opportunity that I'd enjoy or would benefit from. But why?
Maybe it's fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of the "what if" or what might happen. Though I don't remember myself being like this in the past, but now, that is how I react to new opportunity.
This is definitely not good. But how? I don't want to be in this situation. I'm still clinging on to things that I should let go. I'm afraid to venture onto the new road. I'm afraid of what I might left behind or the regrets I might have in the future.
Look forward and forget the past. Easy to say but hard to do.
It will take time, but I hope I will walk out of the shell...... soon..
Stranger in my homeland, home in a foreign land. . . . . Bitter sweet memory . . . . . There's no more "I love you" . . . . . . There's now "I need you"
1,000 days, 24,000 hours, 1,440,000 seconds and many mil milliseconds. What have u done in the past 1,000 days?
I have achieved, I have failed. I have rose and I have fell. I have gained and lost many things.
I have been happy, I've been more than sad. I have hurt many and I have been hurt by many in return. The past 1,000 days have opened my eyes to many things I have never seen previously.
I've gained many lessons by forgoing many valuable things. I have done things I would never regret, but I still have many regrets. I have many things left undone and unsaid. But I hope it's not too late now for me to say I'm sorry.
To my parents I've hurt, I'm sorry. To my friends I have neglected, I'm sorry. To my dear I've always quarreled with, I'm sorry.
A friend commented today that if I smile the world will be a much more beautiful place.
His words made me realize that I do not smile as much as before. I have gone back to my quiet and cold self. This happened since I came back from S'pore. My friend said that maybe cos my significant other is far away and it's not surprising that I smile less.
I did not notice how much less I smile but come to think of it, I've really stopped smiling that much. I'm not sure when can I smile again but I hope it will be really soon.
I also realize that I'm living a life of a foreign student even though I'm in my homeland now. Somehow, deep inside I still cannot accept living here. I'm living a life of a student who goes overseas to study and can't wait for it to be over. Cant wait to return to her country. Can't wait to see and feel all the familiarity again.
I know this is bad but I do not want it this way either. I wish I don't feel anything. I wish I won't miss all the people and things back there. But I do. I wish I'm not so attached to the life there. But I am. *sigh*
Most women grow up dreaming of a fairy tale life. Not all but most. Though some would deny but there's a part of her that would melt at the moment a guy does something sweet to her.
Fairy tale... a life that only exist in story book... or does it really exists?
Why am I the person that I am? That's a question I'd never know the answer. Somehow I've always driven away those that love me and those that I love. Somehow I've always chased them away.
Maybe it's my inner conscious that's doing it. I've somehow always felt that I do not deserved them and thet they should not be so good to me. They should be happier without me...somehow.
Little did they know, those are the time that I need them the most. For whatever reason, I feel damn lousy and need all the love and care. I feel so low that I chased away everyone cos I don't want them to feel the same way as I do. Unintentionally, I hurt them.
They have been disappointed. They have been hurt. Those that still remain are those that I cherich the most. They chose to stay even though I was chasing them away and I love them for that.
Only time tells... and that has proven to be true...
Photo courtesy of Sam from samuelgoh.net
